You see, I have short legs and a long body, which means the centre of gravity is all wrong and I tend to tip canoes over rather than successfully navigate them upstream, or downstream for that matter.
I confess this to our guide, Sean Blocksidge, who not so wisely opts to put me in his canoe along with Lorraine, or Not Quite Nigella as she is known in the food blogging world.
She can't swim. I can't keep a canoe upright.
I wonder at the wisdom of all this.
It is early morn and we are pushing off from the banks of Margaret River, in Western Australia's southwest.
The Margaret River region is known for three things: surfing, wine and food.
I have visited the area more than a dozen times but this is the first time I've ever dipped my fingers (hopefully not my toes) in the river from which the town gets its name.
Sean says 90 to 95 per cent of locals, let alone West Australians, would not have done this either.
Sean's business, The Margaret River Discovery Company, is something of an internet success story. After several different careers, including managing a 5-star hotel and a well-known local winery, he took the plunge and started his company.
To say he struggled is an understatement. He had ploughed about $100,000 and 18 months into the business and was at breaking point when someone reviewed his company on an internet travel site.
The next day his phone started ringing. He went from hardly working at all, to hardly ever being able to have a day off.
Tripadvisor now rates his company the No.1 tour experience in Australia.
The Margaret River Discovery Company takes small groups to some of the less travelled parts of the area. Don't worry, though it does include a winery, and a pretty good one at that.
"Initially it was a challenge for people to look beyond the traditional mini-van tour option," he says.
"It all takes place far away from the crowds and my clients really appreciate being able to get away from it all on tour."
The Margaret River is alive this morning.
Fish are jumping, birds serenade us, and the water is fine.
Thankfully it is not a wide river so I allay my canoeing fears by working out that even if I fall in I can make it to the water's edge.
As for NQN, it's a tough world and each travel writer has to fend for themselves, although I secretly think that Sean would save her if push came to shove.
Our trip is not too taxing, even though the weather conditions forecast for today are cyclonic. We paddle upstream for about 20 minutes, at times stopping in the tree line so Sean can point out the wildlife.
We then head back to shore, my feet dry for the first time ever in a canoe. You might think I was joking but I have tried and never achieved this about six times in the past.
We climb back into the four-wheel-drive and head to our next stop Cape Mentelle winery. Another confession I've sometimes fallen over at wineries, too, but that has nothing to do with genetics.
The winery is one of the region's success stories. This part of the trip is designed for the true wine connoisseur. It is an intense behind-the-scenes look at how Cape Mentelle goes about its business. The matching wine-food tasting in the barrel room is something that foodies would almost wet their pants over.
We are taken through the complexity of how food and wine interact. We sample nine wines with a variety of Margaret River foods. Our guide goes to great lengths to explain why certain foods taste better with specific wines. The only downside is at times it feels a little like being in a classroom. He is constantly asking questions. We are constantly getting the answers wrong. I'm now a little wiser when it comes to eating and drinking.
From there we boarded the 4WD again and this time headed to the coast to Cape Naturaliste to walk a section of the Cape to Cape track.
The WA coastline is a maze of contradictions. It is rugged. It is harsh, with plants fighting every day to survive. It is dangerous. And it is the most stunning outdoor cinema, with surround sounds.
We sat on the cliff's edge and watched the afternoon show. You could hear nothing but the crashing of the waves below and the setting sun created a sky filled with all the colours of a painter's palette. We sat and watched for 30 minutes and Sean fed us a tasting plate of local honey and confessed that he had finally found the best job in the world.
I wouldn't disagree.
Doing there
The Margaret River Discovery Company, see www.margaret riverdiscovery.com.au
The retreat is a 3 1/2-hour drive from Perth. I stayed in Villa 6, a two-bedroom, two-bathroom, fully self-contained touch of paradise. The room was filled with local artwork and state-of-the-art appliances, including an EcoSmart ethanol-fuelled fire for the chilly winter months. The colour scheme takes its lead from the environment, with everything from the floors to the lounge suites in graduating shades of sand.
The breakfast hamper was fresh and plentiful, which is important because there aren't any in-house eating options. Guests are advised to visit the Smiths Beach resort, Bathers Cafe or Bouzy The Champagne Bar (which I recommend).
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